Dear Me,
I am scared of what's been
happening lately. I am scared that i am not capable enough to do my job by
myself. I am scared to handle more responsible that i cannot do it. I do not
want to be a burden or be burdened by others. Do I deserve to accept the award
from the company that I work for 3 years? Why am I the chosen one when the fact
is I work in a team? My intuition told me this award will be a troublesome. She
does not accept that I got the trophy. I feel bad about myself indeed, I feel
like I don’t deserve it truly. I was like if you want that trophy that much,
take mine then! That was I thinking.
I miserably thinking this for
quite a while. She’s really mean, playing victim saying that she’s been working
so hard but company doesn’t value her, she said unlike me she doesn’t close
with anyone here so she doesn’t have any recommendation, never hang out with
other colleagues and executives and because she’s following different religion than
most of us here, she felt excluded.
I fell on her spell, believing
that I am not good enough.
I believe that I am not worth it.
I believe I should not get it.
I believe there’s no competitiveness
in friendship, but it turns out hell no.
Envy is poisonous…. It broke your
heart deeply in root.
Hope your mean words would heal
your foul heart.
Everyone knows it won’t heal.
It won’t heal.
Been in the same circle twice,
called me naïve.
I am glad that I am not the one
who’s having bane.
I thank myself that i am still kind
yet strong. IDGAF is my new era now, putting on my poker face so they won’t see
what’s coming is my new fashion. Red lips and black clothes are my favorite.
Killin in silence is my plan. I won’t do anything except pray, so Universe does
the works for me, karma is real. Because being good is never gone wrong. And
you can’t change about it, you are not naïve. We are just good people that’s
all. So when they’re starring their own mean scenarios again and again, just
Smile.
