Let Things Happen

 

Kali ini nemu lagi buku notes yang gue buat saat gue masih SMA, sekitar after graduation tepatnya dan masih usaha banget mengejar impian dan cita cita gue dulu. Jujur langsung nangis banget how come a young girl have that strong ambition and the power of believing herself and so trusting her dream. Jujur teringat lagu Taylor Swift yang baitnya gini, How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?

That's exactly how i feel ... i dunno pengen coba mewujudkan satu persatu mimpi gue yang gue tulis sendiri.

Funny karena gue gak tau mau ngapain aja setelah gue punya uang sendiri, ngerasa hidup ya gini gini aja.Padahal young me punya segudang impian yang ingin digapai dan dicoba. Oh ya this post ini sebenarnya yaaa mau nge share instagram gue yang baru yaitu gogirl.vibes yang  gue buat baru baru ini... Jadi ter inspirasi dari my own thoughts yang gue tulis sejak gue SMA dan mau ngewujud in ...

kalo kalian bingung mau ngapain aja mungkin bisa buka buka lagi diary kalian lagi yang dulu dulu penah kalian tulis.

Ini juga salah satu cara gue untuk curing my inner child, i don't know i hope this works. I had a massive failure once in my life that probably affecting my life up till now. So  i just want to show myself my young me that our dreams is actually working and happening even certain essential dream isn't working out but some things like the dot pattern are going there in different way somehow .. Scary and beautiful situation isn't it? So don't you ever feel small about you, feel like you're nothing... look up again your journey ..It was really something isn't it? Magical, beautiful and weird...

We used to designed our own path our own life we wanted to be well prepared and well planned but life is not going like that ... Then i remembered that a reel video of a young person said Oh Allah everything i planned seemed  not working out, so please do it for me.. I guess i am just in that phase of life .. 

Surrender , surviving and finding meaning and joy in life.

That's it. It's just as simple as that. Trusting Allah, Praying that one day that door would be open as wide as it can for me.

For me, only for me.

Now i just live to find the meaning, joy and make a habit.

Writing down things that i wanna do, skill i wanna learn, make a healthy habit, fighting my bad thoughts, ignoring people opinions, watching series that i love, playing with my cats, traveling as many as i can, saving as much as i can, earned money as much as i can.

Don't force thing to happen in your life because it's exhausting truly

The Sickness of Comparison

 

  Pict from pinterest https://pin.it/4ELeePm

In the era when i am no longer comparing myself with others and not listening what others think of me. Comparison is indeed the root of mental issues start with the depression. First you compare, then you want to be someone that you do not even know what they have been through in their life, your heart poisoned by envious. In order not to left behind you'll do anything, manipulative and toxic just to get what you fake temporary lust want.

Around 2 million Indonesian teenagers are suffering mental issues. They see their social media most of the time. Seeing only the surface of everyone's fairytale is a mistake. History will always  start from the deepest ocean burried under the sand. Not knowing the whole story but compare their book pages to another folklore. Sadly the grown man trash talking about the perfect life of their own version. I am sorry sir but that is in your own book. It seemed like you're older but never wiser. I listen and consider your feedback but please do not judge on how i write my own book. Because in every page is blessed steps from the heaven, and the rest we are just figuring out how , accept, and learn. 

That is a real life.

To all older siblings, cousins, parents, uncles, auntie, grandparents. There is no fix definitions of being perfect. Everyone born and bring their destiny. We have our own capacity and situation . Instead teach them manner , kindness and help them find their sparks. Guide them and support them. Teach them how to be strong and independent because the world sometimes can make us feel so small and lonely. Tell them thank you that you already worked so hard, teach them how to be gratitude in life.

Never make them feel smallest, beacause i do feel smallest in every family gatherings i have faced 

The Lonely Orca

Orca yang hidup terkurung dalam sebuah penangkaran cenderung memiliki sirip bengkok. 

Hidup dalam penangkaran ditempat yang kecil, dipaksa melakukan atraksi, diet yang buruk karena hanya makan makanan beku.

Berenang mengitari kolam yang sempit untuk waktu yang lama sampai kau tidak menyadari waktu telah berlalu dan tidak pernah kembali. 

Menipu diri dengan hiburan sesaat untuk melupakan kesedihan. 

Tapi tak pernah menyembuhkan hati dan pikiran. 

Hidup yang menyesakkan dan memuakkan. 

Memimpikan samudera biru yang luas menjadi rumah nya. 

Berenang sendirian di lautan asing pun tak mengapa, kan ku temukan kawanan ku sendiri di sepanjang jalan!

Kesulitan akan aku hadapi asalkan aku bisa hidup bahagia di samudera. 

Bebas.... 

Melakukan yang aku inginkan. Pergi sejauh yang aku inginkan. Hidup bahagia walaupun laut tidak selalu tenang. Walaupun laut tidak sepenuhnya aman. Menjadi predator puncak, bagi Orca liar laut juga berbahaya. Manusia sebagai the top predator juga memburu Paus.

Mereka bilang hidup harus disyukuri, Lihat sisi baiknya. Kesehatan dan hidup bukan kah anugerah? 

Bukan kah diriku hanya seekor Orca yang hidup di penangkaran dimana orang orang menjadi penonton dan juri seakan akan tau yang terbaik. 

Orca kuharap kau bisa terbebas dari kolam kecil itu. 

Hidden Gem in Banten

Healing time!! yaaass... So beberapa waktu lalu liburan ke Anyer yes, a short getaway dari kehdupan kantor, kemacetan Tangerang. But still not me kalo bukan low budget holiday yaaaa hehehehe.. I know know i have to spill right? So here are some photos that i took selama menginap one night bersama teman teman yaaa biar lebiih murceee bisa patungan so.... Cinde wulung bed and resto ini sensasi nya kaya di Ubud guys, vibes nyaaa... Pool nya juga nice, view nya hijau hijau buat mata segar dan pikiran pun segar yaaaa mereka include breakfast juga .. Gak perlu jauh jauh  cukup berkendara sekitar 2-3 jam dari Ibukota kalian bisa merasakan sensasi menginap di Ubud Bali... Wow sih Price 400k - 1300k bisa patungan sama teman klean udah pasti murcee sekaliii yaaa kaaaan. 

Do Not Let People Affect You

Dear Me,

 

I am scared of what's been happening lately. I am scared that i am not capable enough to do my job by myself. I am scared to handle more responsible that i cannot do it. I do not want to be a burden or be burdened by others. Do I deserve to accept the award from the company that I work for 3 years? Why am I the chosen one when the fact is I work in a team? My intuition told me this award will be a troublesome. She does not accept that I got the trophy. I feel bad about myself indeed, I feel like I don’t deserve it truly. I was like if you want that trophy that much, take mine then! That was I thinking.

I miserably thinking this for quite a while. She’s really mean, playing victim saying that she’s been working so hard but company doesn’t value her, she said unlike me she doesn’t close with anyone here so she doesn’t have any recommendation, never hang out with other colleagues and executives and because she’s following different religion than most of us here, she felt excluded.

I fell on her spell, believing that I am not good enough.

I believe that I am not worth it.

I believe I should not get it.

I believe there’s no competitiveness in friendship, but it turns out hell no.

Envy is poisonous…. It broke your heart deeply in root.

Hope your mean words would heal your foul heart.

Everyone knows it won’t heal.

It won’t heal.

Been in the same circle twice, called me naïve.

I am glad that I am not the one who’s having bane.

I thank myself that i am still kind yet strong. IDGAF is my new era now, putting on my poker face so they won’t see what’s coming is my new fashion. Red lips and black clothes are my favorite. Killin in silence is my plan. I won’t do anything except pray, so Universe does the works for me, karma is real. Because being good is never gone wrong. And you can’t change about it, you are not naïve. We are just good people that’s all. So when they’re starring their own mean scenarios again and again, just

 

Smile.

  

Twenty Five Twenty One Review Drama

 

Title : Twenty Five Twenty One

tvN, finished

Annyeong chinggu yaaa!! kemarin udah sempet review ulasan on going drama Crazy love sekarang gue mau review 25 21 ..yesss who's excited? Alright i nominated this as the best drama of early 2022...rating as for me 8 dari 1 to 10. with total 16 episodes and aired every Saturday and Sunday on Netflix.

The story is about a high schooler named Na Hee Do (Kim Tae Ri) dia juga seorang atlet anggar berlatar belakang di tahun krismon(krisis moneter). Hampir putus asa meraih mimpi dikarenakan krisis moneter yang terjadi diseluruh belahan dunia ini membuat perekonomian sangat terpuruk. Anggar yang termasuk olah raga mahal inipun terpaksa harus dihentikan di sekolah tempat Hee Do bersekolah, dengan tekad yang kuat demi mencapai cita cita nya dia rela melakukan apapun, saat itu juga dia bertemu dengan Baek Yi Jin seorang pemuda di usia 20 tahun yang harus terpaksa  berhenti kuliah dan bekerja serabutan demi menghidupi dirinya dan sebisa mungkin membantu keluarga nya yang harus berpisah dikarenakan perusahaan milik ayah nya bangkrut dan memiliki banyak hutang, hal ini yang menyebabkan Yi Jin harus berusaha keras untuk menyatukan kembali keluarga nya yang terpisah. 

Pertemuan mereka yang tak terduga ini membuat mereka berteman dekat dan saling mendukung satu sama lain. Memiliki permasalahan masing masing dan menjadi support system disaat terpuruk dan saling menghibur disaat sedih yang membuat mereka jadi pribadi yang kuat. Saat itu Hee do yang sedang berusaha masuk Timnas Korea dan bercita cita menjadi rival Ko Yu Rim(Bona) adalah masa masa yang berat disamping ibunya yang tidak mendukungnya. Di saat itulah Yi Jin yang menjadi support system bagi Hee do dan begitu sebaliknya. Yi Jin yang sempat menghilang beberapa saat karena sempat dikejar kejar oleh orang orang yang merugi akibat perusahaan ayahnya pun kembali ke Seoul untuk mencoba peruntungan nya mendaftar sebagai reporter di UBS, Yi Jin yang saat itu terpuruk menjadi yakin akan dirinya berkat He doo yang selalu menjadi inspirasi bagi dirinya. Dia selalu teringat akan dirinya ketika masih SMA saat bersama Na He Doo. Penuh semangat dan selalu ceria.

Kalo omongin Self love nya He Doo gak usah diragukan lagi guys dia baik dan menghargai teman teman nya and when she's alone she's okay with it and her defense is wow. Totally my kind of heroine laaaahhh

Good story after all pertemanan Na Hee Do dan teman teman SMA nya juga diceritakan sangat baik dan sisi love story, life story nya on point. Saran gue nonton ini ya ikutin alurnya dan trust it. Trurthfully kecewa gak kecewa nonton nya, cuz ekpektasi gue yang memuncak.Karena hidup sometimes gak memihak kita but it's all the best for us. We just have to be brave to make decisions what's the best for us.

Sekian dulu ya ceritanya biar gak terlalu spoiler niatnya pengen kasih sedikit gamabaran cerita nya 25 21... FYI gue baru tau juga guys kenapa ini 25 21 karena ternyata ini dipengaruhi sama kepercayaan all let's called it budaya mereka ya kalo couple yg beda 4 tahun ini bring luck secara bintang dan shio gitu sih perhitungan korea nya ya kalo kita kaya primbon gitu but anyway gue gak percaya begituan sih lol.So overall ya drama ini patut ditonton buat jadiin pelajaraan hidup epic sih atau buat hiburan ditengah penatnya kehidupan. remember you're not alone in this journey. You always have a way to be success like Na Hee Do ir better the succes but in you own version. Keep it up! I know you're capable of doing anything.

The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side

Not a very long time ago i had quite a weird experience while working. Well... I am working in service and hospitality which somehow i don't really like it but in many ways i enjoy it. I never open up about it, never want to talk about it either.. i just struggling along the way by my own. It is not that i am not thankful about it, cuz still, i earned money from it. 

Well yeah not so proud and honestly i feel stuck too. So few days ago i was welcoming visitors from one of BUMN company and turned out it's one of their Directors who came to visit. Then i saw a face that i recognized that "the director" who came was my friend's father.  

As you may guess that every important person usually get an easy access on every entry with ' Sok sibuk face on' and walk straight. Well not all of 'em like that but mostly they don't greet at first if it's not us who greet them first. I learned that being nice, polite and attitude is essential.

After i saw him walk by then i remember every Ig post of  her daughter just passing by one by one,  like you read your favorite comics or novel that you have read many times, in fact i did not stalking on her ig lolz. It just how my brain works every sad or scary event that makes me worried it just came up and flow like a Loire river. Every saddest moment of my life that happened long long time ago just showed up. I started seeing her only happy life while i know everyone in this whole wide world is facing their own problem. My thought at time be like wow no wonder her life's is so much easy. Schooling at the best High school like me, Then hearing a rumor about her saying, " gue gak usah kuliah jauh jauh di UPH aja" while i was fucking exhausted mentally and physically looking, testing, praying just to enter an Uni. Then hearing she going to one of the best uni in the world for master degree and really enjoying her time in NYC with her friends like going for vacation, while i was running out of my breath just to chasing my dream to Angers, France living broke ass because i know my family can't afford much more than my living expenses for daily. Getting help to French gov for my dorm allowance to be reduced while she was staying in a nice apartment. Looking for an intern with nice salaries so i could bring my money back to Indonesia. Not going anywhere even did not have a chance to see Eiffel and visit the city of love. While she was back and forth NYC to LA to LV. Landing a nice job as a writer while i have to face the pandemic so i have to stuck in my current job which i don't like. She's now married and have a little happy family while i am still figuring out my own life, depressed, even hating myself like you're sailing with cheap almost broke boat in Loire river watching over the magnificent castle envying the princess life. I guess there are some people who were born with the easy life, their life stages seem so smooth and visually exquisite. That's what i thought when i saw that director face. 

Now on every time i'm feeling down. I do looking into deep in me. I saw the picture of  myself. when i was kid, teen, savoring  moment in the happiest time and little things. It just softens my heart, like can you betray yourself when you're younger just to live unhappy life? no i don't wanna betrayed my younger self who's already suffer enough yet she still fight for her dream, yet still survive yet still smile yet still happy. I just don't wanna ruin the image of my younger me. I just want to make my younger me proud of myself , my present me and my future me. I just want to live my life on my own. 

Some people indeed have privilege, but there are some people who fortunate enough to change their life. Just wishing i would be one of  that, because the feels when you're working on your own and you can buy things now eventho it's cheap, it feels great somehow. You start to learn to value lil things, thankful on everything you received and more appreciate things in life that be given and you work on. So don't you ever dare looking yourself down after you have been working so fucking hard for yourself and maybe for your family. Do not you dare! Shamed on you! She was the one who you can rely on, you can believe, you can love, you can proud of.

SHE IS YOU, NEVER LOST YOURSELF